The Misadventures of an Ex-Writer

Auddie

2009-10-25T02:16:13Z

Auddie crawled for the first time today.

I got it on video.

:)

Auddie

2009-10-08T01:24:46Z

Audric is 7 months old. He sings and wiggles and rolls all over the place. He adores peas, soft blankets, and gnawing on his fingers and toes.

But, by far, our favorite activity is reading, though at this age, Auddie is more interested in chewing on the book. Sandra Boynton is our favorite.

Sometimes, after a long day of wiggling, Auddie falls asleep in the middle of singing. It's an adorable thing, listening as his voice gets quieter and quieter as sleep takes him. It's how he fell asleep tonight, in his pack n' play.

(I love my boy, so much.)

Two Years and a Baby

2009-09-24T14:35:26Z

Bryce and I are celebrating 2 years together. In those two years, we've:

--worked on four feature films, four shorts, and several commercials;
--lived in England, Ireland, Scotland, Oklahoma, and California;
--sold a car;
--lived in two houses, two hostels, a play room, a spare room, and a garage;
--changed careers twice;
--had a beautiful baby boy.

It's been interesting. I'm looking forward to more.

Boy

2009-09-06T21:59:41Z

Bryce and I sometimes lovingly refer to Auddie as simply "Boy."

Like, "How much milk did Boy drink?"

or

"Boy has been very fussy today!"

This isn't a sign of indifference. It's very much the opposite.

Because, you see, to Bryce and me, he's the only Boy in the world.

My Boy.

Sometimes it takes me years to look at the music that's been given to me

2009-08-29T17:13:47Z

You're the colour,
you're the movement and the spin.
Never
Could it stay with me the whole day long
Fail with consequence, lose with eloquence
and smile.
I'm not in this movie
I'm not in this song.
Never
Leave me paralyzed, love.
Leave me hypnotized, love.

You're the colour,
you're the movement and the spin.
Never
Could it stay with me the whole day long
Fail with consequence, lose with eloquence
and smile.
You're not in this movie
You're not in this song.
Never

Leave me paralyzed, love.
Leave me hypnotized, love.
Leave me paralyzed, love.
Leave me hypnotized, love.

Teething

2009-07-26T20:44:20Z

Audric is teething. We filled a flask of rum and put it in the diaper bag so that we can swab his sensitive gums and numb the pain.

It occurred to me that in this state, like most states, such an act would constitute driving with an open container.

I imagined myself explaining the alcohol to a policeman if I was ever pulled over:

"No, officer. It's emergency whiskey. For the baby."

Mom of the year award, here I come.

Norman & Audric

2009-06-24T03:30:27Z

We're back in Oklahoma.

Bryce and I are selling books at Half Price Books in Oklahoma City. It's quite the change from the film industry, but it's a steady paycheck (can't say that about movies) and insurance and a nice discount.

I adore hanging out with little man. Every day he gets cuter, babbles more, smiles... I can't even remember a life before him.

Startle Reflex

2009-04-07T04:23:09Z

Sometimes, when Audric is tucked in, something startles him and his arms fling out in front of him, making the covers fly over his head.

Very cute.

Boobs

2009-04-03T19:07:06Z

I swear... my breasts are out so often, I wonder why I get dressed at all.

Dentist Appointment

2009-04-01T21:14:00Z

Thanks to Southern California's warm weather, Bryce and I keep the window open in our bedroom. Today I heard Bryce's sister rush outside as her son was walking home from school.

I thought I heard her say, "Blayne! You've been a big disappointment! Run!"

"What did she just say?" I asked Bryce.

"She said, 'Blayne! You have a dentist appointment! Run!'"

Apparently they were late for their 2:30 check up.

Damn Ceiling Fan

2009-04-01T04:32:58Z

I've washed, changed, and dressed my newborn. He's wearing a soft sleeping gown. He has his favorite blanket. He ate well, burped beautifully, and -- believe it or not -- he's awake but not fussy.

I took this opportunity to bond. I cuddled and sang to him --

-- and yet, after all this work and warmth, the kid has eyes for nothing but the stupid ceiling fan.

Milk

2009-03-19T21:33:40Z

The more I nurse, the more breast milk gets everywhere.

(I feel like a moo-cow.)

Toot

2009-03-14T03:46:15Z

Gosh, my kid farts a lot...

The Arrival of Audric the Great

2009-03-05T00:08:32Z

Dear World,

Please be informed that on March 4, 7:45AM in Laguna Hills after less than 4 hours of labor, Audric Lino Cleek was born after only 35 weeks of gestation. He weighed an impressive 5 lbs, 14 oz and was 18 inches long. Strong Baby Audric needed no respirator, no incubator, and no feeding tube.

Baby Audric's eyes are already open, and he responds to his mother's voice. He eats heartily, poops, and exhibits the world's best baby cry.

In other words, he was born a perfect, tiny baby.

His incredibly proud parents are expected to take tiny Audric home this weekend.

Warm wishes ,
Mel (Mom)

Target and Shoes

2009-03-01T16:59:16Z

Lately I've been having bad experiences with customer service. Really bad. But I have to commend Target for making up for its customer service faux pas.

I ordered a pair of Red Converse shoes for Bryce for Valentine's day on January 25th. The shipment was continually delayed, and each time they sent an email requesting my approval of the delay. I'm still waiting on them, and it's March.

However, after writing two emails to customer service, I got a personalized response about the matter, an explanation about why there was a problem, an apology, and then took five bucks off the order (the shoes were only 7 dollars on clearance). I also got free shipping, so the shoes will end up costing a cool 2 dollah.

Audric

2009-03-01T00:03:53Z

I'm going a little crazy trying to think of what Audric will look like when he's born. Will he have dark hair? Brown eyes? Will he look Hispanic? Will he have a weak chin? Will he look like his daddy, or more like me? Ultrasound pictures do little to satisfy my curiosity.

I wish I would have had the 4D imaging done later in the pregnancy...

Cottage Cheese

2009-02-24T19:35:53Z

I go through a large container of cottage cheese every four to five days.

Although I'm getting a bit tired of it, I'm very thankful for cottage cheese: it has tons of protein, little fat, and next to no sugar or carbs. Bryce like it with pepper. I've always liked it with a spoonful of honey or jam, or with chunks of pineapple -- all of which are all but forbidden to me now.

However, today I found out that a sprinkling of sugar-free Jello-o does the same trick as jam without a single carb or sugar added.

Other foodstuffs I'm thankful for:

1. Walden's calorie-free barbeque sauce (not fabulous, but it fills the craving)
2. Lean chicken breast
3. Decaf tea
4. Sugar-free Jolly Ranchers
5. Salmon
6. Miso Soup
7. Tofu
8. Cheddar Cheese & String Cheese
9. V8
10. Apples (I can have a small one day)
11. Milk (I can have three 8 oz. Quite a reduction from what I'm used to)
12. Progresso Chicken soup (I give the noodles to Bryce)
13. Baby Carrots
14. Broccoli and Cheese
15. Beef and Broccoli stir fry
16. Turkey and cheese rolls (think of a sandwich without bread rolled onto a toothpick)
17. Cucumbers

That's pretty much been my diet for the past two or so weeks.

Cheerios

2009-02-14T18:54:16Z

Having gestational diabetes isn't so bad, once you get used to it. Today, for my mid-morning snack I had a few ounces of cheerios. I felt like a happy little toddler, eating one at a time to make the serving last longer. After not having any sugar for a week, everything tastes a little sweeter. I can now detect the subtle sweetness in just about everything.

It's funny how being denied something for so long intensifies whatever it is that you're being denied. For example: yesterday I was intensely excited about making a doctor's appointment on Monday. It means I get to leave the house. After two weeks of being cooped up in a hospital, even the car ride home felt like a respite, even if I did have to be escorted out in a wheelchair and then go promptly back to bed.

I miss being active. I miss work. I miss eating like a normal person. I miss being around Bryce. I tell myself that, like caffeine and alcohol, I'll cope better after time. And there are substitutes that make the transition less painful: an open window, knitting projects, sucrolose, and text messages.

And when all else fails, there's power in the simplicity of Cheerios.

Home!

2009-02-13T01:43:40Z

I'm home. :)

Gestational Diabetes

2009-02-11T02:43:29Z

Just when things couldn't seem to get any more annoying... I get diagnosed with gestational diabetes. I have a strong genetic proclivity for the disease, so there . (Thanks, Mom and Dad for the genes.)

So, not only am I confined to a hospital bed (laying on my side 90% of the time), but now I have a very, very restricted diet of HOSPITAL FOOD. So, not only do I get very little food, but it's also completely devoid of flavor, and lacking the special dessert that made the meal tolerable.

Bryce came in with an In N Out burger today. He asked if I minded if he ate it in front of me. I didn't at first, but when the aroma hit me, I nearly hit him.

* * *
At night, I have to wear contraptions on my legs that inflate and deflate regularly. It's supposed to help prevent swelling and blot clots, but it means a restless night for me.

24 hours a day, I wear a contraption around my belly to monitor my uterus to see if I'm having any more contractions. I get about 10 a day.

Three times a day, I wear a second contraption to monitor Audric's heartbeat.

5 times a day I get pricked to get my blood sugar level.

6 times a day I take medication. They wake me up three times during the night.

Several times a day a doctor/specialist/hospital worker comes in to give me an update on why I'm still here. It's always more of the same -- no added information.

Well, sitting up time is over again. Time to resume the position.

Hospital: Day 7

2009-02-07T17:27:15Z

Today Audric and I beat the odds: 7 days without a premature birth. That means there's a very good chance that I may be able to take him to term (37-40 weeks).

On Monday, Audric will reach another milestone: 32 weeks. He's been wiggly inside my belly. Very healthy. Last night while we were hooked up to the monitor, I watched his heartbeat jump from 145 to 175 bpm as he kicked and wiggled. I asked the nurse if that was okay, and she said it was a good sign. It meant that his brain is reacting well and signaling for his heart to go faster. It's a good indication of health. He's just getting excited about something.

I was eating ice cream at the time :)

Still in the Hospital

2009-02-03T18:07:33Z

Last night the nurse woke me up to give me yet another shot to control the persistent contractions. They were beginning to intensify. A couple hours later, they gave me another shot. I was having 12 contractions an hour.

The drug that helps stop the contractions is called terbutaline. Normally, hospitals only give 1-2 injections to help delay delivery. During my stay, I've had 6. I'm also on a pill that's also supposed to delay labor, though I forget the name.

A specialist came in and gave me an ultrasound. He found that 1.) my cervix is very short, meaning that I'm at a very high risk for early delivery; 2.) Audric has a cute tuft of hair already; 3.) Audric is pushing his hairy head against my shortened, effaced cervix like he wants to come out. Silly baby. For so long I was convinced he'd be like Bryce and be 2 weeks late (even now, Bryce likes to sleep in), but instead, the kid is like me -- completely incapable of relaxing or sitting still, and eager to get out of bed.

75% of women in my category (testing positive for fetal fibronectin, having a shortened/effaced cervix) give birth before term. Most give birth within 2-7 days of the onset of pre-term labor. I'm on day four. So, the odds are very good that Audric will be here within the next few days. Again, we're still trying to keep Audric in for as long as possible.

Even though I'm worried about the possible health implications that an early delivery will mean for Audric, prospects are very good for him.

Well, the nurse just told me that sitting up time is over. Got to go.

Pre-Term Labor

2009-02-01T21:52:59Z

I'm in the hospital. I'm nearly 31 weeks pregnant. Full term is any time between 37 and 42 weeks.

Two days ago, I felt the constant need to urinate, which I attributed to the baby snuggling into my bladder like a pillow. That evening, I decided it might be a UTI (urinary tract infection), so I drink a liter of water within a few minutes and made plans to see the doctor the next morning.

Within 20 minutes, my back began aching, and the pain intensified in the lower right flank until I knew something was wrong. I figured it could be a kidney infection. Unfortunately, I also noticed a pressure in my abdomen that rose and fell with the pain. That triggered me to think it could be contractions, but I was doubtful because they were too close -- nearly one on top of the other. I called the OBGYN and the doctor on call told me to proceed to the emergency room.

I wasn't in terrible pain. I just didn't feel too well. The staff put me in a wheel chair and began tests. I came back positive in a test to determine if I was in pre-term labor (i.e. any labor before 36 weeks). I was a centimeter dilated and my cervix was 80% effaced (meaning I was close to having my water break). I was having 9 contractions an hour. The doctors gave me a shot to stop/slow the contractions. They managed to get them down to 3 an hour.

At around 2:30 AM that morning, I got a shot in the butt, butt, butt. It was a hormone for Audric (our baby) to help his lungs develop should the worse come to pass. His lungs are nearly fully developed to begin with, but still a few weeks from being final.

Ultimately, the doctors believe that it was an acute kidney infection that triggered the labor. It happened quickly -- within hours.

I'm very lucky; many women who go into pre-term labor do so because the baby is in distress -- usually an umbilical cord around the neck or a detached placenta -- but Audric is doing more than fine. He's happily kicking away, completely oblivious to the fact he was close to making a very early appearance into this world. The nurses and doctors are quite happy with his continuous activity. He turns, kicks, stretches, and has the occasional bout of the hiccups. It's a good sign -- it means he's healthy. He just needs to bake a bit more. (As I write this, he just got the hiccups again.)

So, we're not sure what will happen now. I'm on two medications to stop labor, and though it's being held at bay, the contractions continue. Prospects are good, though. Even though Audric may be born early, he's got excellent chance, though he'd likely be in the hospital for 2-6 weeks after birth on a respirator. The goal, however, is to keep this kid "grounded to his womb" for as long as possible. There's a very good chance we can keep the baby inside until he's to term. I think it could be done, though it means strict bed rest until the baby is born.

So, that's the baby update for now. I was supposed to give a presentation today, and tomorrow I was supposed to deliver a proposal, but that's out of the question now. Still, every day that Audric stays inside me is a day he gets to grow healthier, so it's okay with me if I have to stay inactive and in bed for weeks on end. And those of you who know me understand that means a lot.

On Average -- Zero

2009-01-28T06:14:47Z

I find that lately, each time something truly excellent happens, something else occurs to negate its coolness.

Conversely, each time something truly heinous happens, something else occurs to mitigate or eliminate its nastiness.

So, I guess on average, things are pretty much okay.

Craigslist

2009-01-24T17:35:08Z

Is it silly that I refuse to buy anything on Craiglist with a posting that has poor spelling and/or grammar or that's TYPED IN ALL CAPS?